I cried at the dentist today.

Yeah, I’m not so tough, apparently, or maybe the major metalwork being done inside my face was harsh enough that I deserved the couple of tears that squeezed out.

I’m not ashamed; that stuff hurt.

So now I have a bionic tooth. You’re in trouble, you just come to my tooth, and you can hide behind it. Titanium, baby. Ima going to set off alarms all over our nation’s airports.