I couldn’t get Ursa to wear it. I couldn’t get her to look at the camera, either. So here is my brand new University of Three Lakes sweatshirt in “honey.”

I almost posted the second one only. I figured this would piss of my friend Stacy, since, yeah, hardly any sweatshirt at all, and that’s what she wanted to see. This photo is better of me, though (the hair isn’t flopping its floppy damn self in this one) and Ursa is looking at the camera HARD. Why, you ask? Because the hand with the camera is the hand with the treat.

I looked for a photo of me wearing the old sweatshirt, but the only one I found, you can’t really see the sweatshirt. You can hardly see me, actually, since it was taken in the years when I would duck or turn away when I saw a camera. But I’m also wearing a jean jacket over the sweatshirt (see? I am always cold) and all you could see is the collar.

The other sweatshirt you will not be seeing: the teddy bear sweatshirt. Anyone out there go to middle school with me? Yeah, that’s what I wore. No. Really. Every day. I tell you—I am a cold-natured girl, and it’s been that way for a long time. The air conditioning at my middle school was set to Stun, so I wore whatever I was going to wear, and then I threw a sweatshirt over it. I only owned one sweatshirt: teddy bears in “Let’s Get Physical” aerobic wear. If we went to sixth grade together, that’s how you would know me now. I was the girl in the sweatshirt. If it’s one thing we should all be grateful for, it’s that we rarely end up the people we were in sixth grade.

Actually, I haven’t changed that much. I still wear sweatshirts as often as possible. I just happen to own more than one now.